Brick

There aren't any preconceived notions in my mind of how this should go. I am not really that well versed in this type of discussion. I feel very repressed because when I was growing up no one ever talked about sex. I had to learn it all on my own. This is my first time doing this. Not sex, just this. I'm not an idiot. I don't even care that much I'm just scared. I'm being selfish thinking about me and how I'll feel. It's physical. I don't really think I'm less of a woman because I don't feel attached. Hopefully, this will be my last. The fear and apprehension with which I approach this isn't apparent to anyone but me. My boyfriend doesn't even know. I am not going to tell him, because why? I just can't. He thinks I went to stay with Michelle for the weekend. She is in Arizona and I am using her apartment. I can't drive but I will figure it out. A cab won't be that much. I think if I told my boyfriend he would try to change my mind. People named Chad always try to change your mind. People might want to know why or how I got in this mess. People make mistakes and it could have been worse. There are many things I want to say and this isn't precious, but it also isn't an easy decision. It is no one's decision but my own. It feels wrong to say its my own. It feels selfish. Am I not allowed to be? Taking care of myself is beneficial to all involved. What good would even come of this in the years that followed? No one would have a good life, but call me selfish if you want. This sounds pathetic and whiny like I'm a little girl. It is in moments like this that I feel little and the irony sets in and I feel free.

It is poetic justice in a way.

There are things I would like to say to you but I don't know how. An Oasis quote sounds trite in this context, but everything sincere usually does. Do I do it the old fashioned way or do I get a shot? I don't really know. It might hurt but then I wonder how hurtful a lifetime I can't provide or promise I will be present for would be. This isn't anyone else's decision. I am scared. You know, it feels like I am the first one to do this. It feels like no one has done this before me although I know full well that they have.

People make mistakes and get drunk. I know this won't be my whole life but right now it is.

In a year I will be on a beach, with a pina colada in my hand not thinking about this ever happening. I will be talking to my parents about college. My mother will look over at me and ask if I ever want kids. If Chad would be a good father.

I think he will.

Damned If We Do, So Don't

Title credit rolls across screen: Damned If We Do, So Don't

CUT TO:

Int. Bus station. Girl is eating an apple on a bench and talking to her friend. Wide shot. People are walking by. bench is centered. Camera pans out while zooming in on them, creating a disorienting effect [think the shining]

Carla

That's not what I intended. 

James

I don't really care. You need to leave. 

Carla

I am.

James

(angrily) Not by choice you aren't. You sit here in such contempt for me and everything I am. I could just-

Carla

You could what, James? Do you think I did this on purpose or I don't care about- no, you let me finish- you think I don't, I don't care about you and I am leaving just to spite you. I want to be here and I want this to be for us but I have to take this. What do you expect me to do? You said you loved me- you do love me and want me to be happy. ugh, I just don't see any solution.(begins to cry)

(James is looking away. He wants nothing to do with this. Bus worker walks over to offer help)

Bus worker

Hey. Are you okay? Do we need to get-

CUT TO:

Black Screen. 

CUT TO:

Int. flowers on a vase. They are rotten. The water is foggy. They are replaced with new flowers and then shortly thereafter, the flowers are again removed and placed on the counter beside the vase. The water is replaced and the flowers are put back in.  Camera is wheeled away while zooming in again. It is revealed that we are in a kitchen. Carla is present. She has her hair differently. It may be dyed lighter. She looks happy. 

Carla

is it fake? I don't really need a fake one. (laughs)

Hans

 no, its real. I know how you feel about those fake ones. You can pop it if you like. (Turns around to expose a large blackhead on his back for Carla to pop).

Carla

 i know its super weird, but I am tearing up.I have never had this. 

Hans

a zit?

Carla

Fuck off. You know what I mean. I just havent had this level of intimacy. This isnt possible. Usually I am doomed by whatever comes my way and just like everyone= just like everyone else probably does, I look for things when there aren't any and all the things that made it go away before will come again. In my mind anyway.

(carla gathers up her purse and makeup. She throws a tampon in the bag as well. She walks to the door and leaves through it. Hans kisses her goodbye.)

CUT TO:

ext. Flower garden. Camera pans out while zooming in on them, creating a disorienting effect [think the shining]. Carla is sitting on a bench reading a book. An elderly woman sits down next to her and pulls an apple out of her coat and starts eating it rather quickly and aggressively. The old woman gets up and walks away. An attractive man sits down and pulls out his phone.

Carla

What are you listening to? I can hear the lyrics you have it so loud but I can't place it.All I hear is "without a dope beat to step to" and its bothering me.

Peter

Its bothering you? Oh sorry I didn't realize. I'll turn it down.

Carla

Not like that that. (laughs). Its bothering me because I can\t place it. I need to know. I'm weird. I am sorry. (laughs).

Peter

Honestly, I have no idea who this is. I just put the radio on and I'm having quite the day myself. It has been a lifetime. A life. It has been a good life. What?

Carla

People change but do they really? I think we just do it until we get it right. I want to get it right, you know?

Peter

Yeah, but we put too much pressure on ourselves. Just let it happen and it will happen. I hope that makes sense. 

Carla

Does it ever? 

(Carla silently reads her book for about 30 more seconds before she closes it, pauses and gets up, smiles gently and walks away. Peter watches her go and starts again playing with his phone.)

CUT TO:

Black. Roll credits.  

 

I am creating 31 short works in as many days

This is just a place to store a writing challenge I am giving myself to create 31 short works in 31 days. The first of them is the simple poem below, with obviously 30 more to follow. The entire point is to create even when I am not inspired to see what I come up with. Please join me on this journey. kill all.

...And I prayed. 

Anger and moods would scare most dudes

The strongest devotees ready to run

In the crude my oil mixes with water 

And destroys everything under the sun

One first time left myself out on the line

And looked solid but were you quite mine

The drywall separates 

and you see me walk

Comment on my gate

Am I in the right place 

Comment and mock

Laugh lines are sands of time I don't possess

Truer than trust in the hands of people

I caress the hope you hold for me though

And stay angry in my steel toed boots

I never cared for medals. I care for you 

A decorated young man for an age of sad

told that all the things you're good at are bad

Pour out of the cracks 

You can never look back

Comment on my gait 

Am I in the wrong place

Comments come late 

We pray.